What did I just do?

What am I doing?

I just left the safety of a full time job, with benefits, with a retirement plan, working with the loveliest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, to do this…to pursue a life of creativity.

I’m 51 years old for crying out loud!

I’m at an age where people are starting to think about retirement. Enjoying the fruits of their labor. Not dumping it all and starting over!

But here I am. Signing papers to end my health insurance, handing in resignation papers, putting all my ducks in a row for whoever takes the job after me. 

It’s scary. I’m scared. 

But also, I am relieved. 

For the first time in years I feel like myself again. I didn’t know that I was missing pieces of myself until they started to come back to me. 

It’s not the easy path. It’s not the path that leads to wealth. But it is the path that leads to living creatively, for better or worse. 

I realize this path I am taking is a privileged one. Not everyone gets to drop their job and go do what their heart tells them they were born to do. For one thing, I have an emotional support system. I have a family and a circle of friends cheering me on. And that makes a huge difference. I still would  have made this decision even if they weren’t cheering me on because I know it’s the path I’m meant to take but man, it sure makes it easier not having to push against anyone. 

I’ll still be working while I pursue this creative living but just at a different job. One with less stress and one that will allow me the capacity to build my business. 

I cut my budget, ended subscriptions, trimmed everything down. In so many ways this feels wonderful. I was living too broadly. I was spending too much on things that don’t really matter. I have too much stuff. I simply don’t need or want to live like that anymore. I have never placed too much value on material stuff and spending money has never felt very comfortable. But somehow, when I had the money to spend, that’s exactly what I did with it! I bought things that ultimately I didn’t really need and it left me feeling empty. Clearly, for me, money cannot buy happiness. 

I feel more in control when I have tighter reins on my money. Who I give it to and how I spend it matter these days. It feels good to get back to living more frugally. 

So, the next couple months will be, if nothing, interesting. I decided to share it with you. I like the idea of documenting what comes next. I will try to be as honest and authentic as possible. 

But again, I’m scared. 

I’m scared to put myself out there. People have opinions and they love to share them and that’s okay! People are entitled to their opinions, even if I have different ones. I don’t have thick skin. I will never have thick skin. And that’s okay, too. I love my vulnerability. It keeps my ego in check. 

What is my idea of creative living? I am a maker so I like making things. I like making things that are useful, that may help someone, that may make the world a kinder, more gentler place. To me that looks like making body care products, sharing my love of yoga, meditation and mindfulness, living a plant-based lifestyle that is kind to the planet and all those who share their space with us. The world is rough. Let’s try to make it better. Let’s try to be kinder to each other.